


(I suppose it’s) some kind of an affliction.

by iwantchocopie (hyemiyah)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Brief mentions of death., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 10:43:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3893407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyemiyah/pseuds/iwantchocopie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo signs up for film class, hates hipsters, learns about tap dancing, and falls in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(I suppose it’s) some kind of an affliction.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for sooenaemoured, and posted [here](http://sooenaemoured.livejournal.com/17650.html).

 

 

 

  
"Did you know that the feeling you get when eating chocolate is the same feeling you get when falling in love?" Jongdae says as he eyes Kyungsoo entering the rental shop.  
  
"Which asshole hasn't returned the DVD I want?" Kyungsoo demands. It's a question he's been asking Jongdae for exactly five days.  
  
Jongdae is neatly stacking the pile of returned DVDs on the counter and humming. _The idiot._ "You know that’s private information, Kyungsoo."  
  
"I _need_ to watch that movie. I _need_ to pass that class." Kyungsoo is trying to stay calm, but he has to turn in the paper in exactly three days. He can't fail that class. Failing would mean Kyungsoo will have to listen to his father's lecture. Failing would mean he will have to take that class again.  
  
In all honesty, Kyungsoo would rather listen to his father's taking-college-seriously sermon than taking that class again.  
  
Film class is full of _hipsters._ But hipsters _ruined_ Paris. It is a well-known fact. Kyungsoo _hates_ hipsters. He signed up for that class because it was easy credit. Or so he thought.  
  
"I know I work in a rental DVD shop and all," Jongdae says, "but haven't you heard of illegal downloading?"  
  
Kyungsoo stares at Jongdae indignantly for about five seconds. Jongdae keeps his eyes on the DVDs he's organising. "There is only one jerk that is seeding the torrent," Kyungsoo says, a bit bitter because Jongdae is not helping him sulk. "But he is _never_ online. There are tons of people requesting him to seed. He is such a douche that he only logs in to tell people downloading movies is illegal. But at the same time he has an illegal copy of a movie on his hard drive."  
  
Jongdae laughs even though Kyungsoo isn't joking. "How do you know it's a he? It could be a female douche."  
  
"Only someone from the male persuasion would choose 'holden_ma_groin' as nickname." Jongdae laughs harder at this. Kyungsoo smiles despite himself; Jongdae's laughter has always been a bit contagious. Hoping Jongdae would forget for a while about his 'work ethic', Kyungsoo continues, "And only someone from the male persuasion would not return the DVD I need."  
  
"Is that so?" Jongdae says not getting his guard down.  
  
Kyungsoo tries to act cute. He has no other choice so he puts both of his palms under his face, and asks, "Ah, hyung, is it a he or a she?" Something inside of him dies, as it does every time he tries to do _aegyo._  
  
Jongdae looks at him with a mix of amusement and fondness. "Awww, how cute. You even called me hyung," he says. "You _never_ call me hyung." Then he scratches under Kyungsoo's chin. Kyungsoo has seen Jongdae do this to Junmyeon's peevish cat, the one everyone else hates. Jongdae's definition of cute is so odd.  
  
"But I'm still not telling you anything about our client. Sorry." Kyungsoo drops the act and curses under his breath. Jongdae scratches his chin again. "Our Kyungsoo is _so cute._ "  
  
"Shut up," Kyungsoo says as he pushes Jongdae's hand off his face. Jongdae giggles, still looking at Kyungsoo as if Kyungsoo were the cutest thing since that stupid Pikachu plushie he likes to sleep with. _What a nerd._  
  
Kyungsoo leaves the rental shop defeated.  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
If someone were to ask Kyungsoo where his life went wrong, he'd blame film class. His life was pretty uneventful until the teacher announced that instead of a final exam, they would have to turn in a full report explaining why screwball comedies from the 1930's were so successful.  
  
The movie Kyungsoo was assigned to watch is _Top Hat._ Kyungsoo has lived exactly 22 years of his life not understanding the allure of tap dancing, and he'd prefer to keep it that way. Except this movie is a freaking musical starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.  
  
The teacher had encouraged students to go to the DVD rental shop near campus.  
  
"University students have 20% off. Remember, by doing this you'll be supporting the film industry," the teacher said. Kyungsoo suspects him to be username holden_ma_groin. He has no real evidence, only that they're both douches, but he thinks that should be enough.  
  
After listening to his teacher's speech, Kyungsoo decided to download the movie illegally, like any other human being. He would have finished his final assignment by now if it weren't for username holden_ma_groin.  
  
In the end he sees no other choice than to go to the rental shop. Kyungsoo finds Jongdae there, behind the counter. He didn't know his friend worked there.  
  
"You never told me you worked here," he told Jongdae.  
  
"You never asked," is Jongdae's answer. Kyungsoo remains silent because it’s true. Sometimes Kyungsoo is so caught up with his own life he forgets there are people like Jongdae, who truly care about him.  
  
"Sorry," Kyungsoo mutters. Jongdae just smiled. "So I need to watch _Top Hat._ "  
  
Jongdae typed into his keyboard and squinted at the screen until finally he says, "Uhm... that movie is unavailable right now. Would you like to watch something else?"  
  
"No," Kyungsoo says. As much as he likes Jongdae, Kyungsoo prefers illegality.  
  
Coming to the rental shop means getting out of his room. Coming to the rental shop means seeing people. Kyungsoo hates people. Or more like he hates people that aren't Jongdae. Or Chanyeol.  
  
Not that he'd ever tell that to Chanyeol.  
  
"Just... tell me when the movie is available again."  
  
"Okay," said Jongdae cheerily. Kyungsoo thinks Jongdae's bright and easy-going personality went well with this kind of work. Jongdae is very good with people, whereas Kyungsoo just wants them out of his life. "You can rent it tomorrow."  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
That was a week ago.  
  
"Did you know you can't cry in space because there is no gravity to make the tears flow?" Jongdae says as he sees Kyungsoo approaching the counter.  
  
"What's with you and all this useless facts?" Kyungsoo is annoyed. He only has one day to submit his final paper. He's read all the summaries he could online, but all of them provided the same information. In the end Kyungsoo still has no idea what the intention of the movie had been, other than to show the two leads tap dancing.  
  
There's a smile on Jongdae's face, as usual. Sometimes Kyungsoo thinks Jongdae would still smile at him even if Kyungsoo were to punch him in the face. But only after nagging at Kyungsoo for about two hundred years. "Nobody rents movies anymore. I get bored a lot."  
  
"So what? You searched for random useless facts online?"  
  
"I did," says Jongdae proudly.  
  
Kyungsoo stares at his friend. You can't choose what family you're born into but you can definitely choose your friends. Kyungsoo ponders his life choices.  
  
Jongdae arranges the promotional flyers that promise 20% discount for all university students, while humming some pop song Kyungsoo is sure he's heard before. _What a nerd._  
  
"Listen, Jongdae. I need to watch that movie today or else I'll fail for sure," Kyungsoo says after coming to terms with the fact that it's too late to unlearn how to be friends with Jongdae. "I can't fail, Jongdae. Do you understand this? I _can't_ fail."  
  
"Oh," Jongdae provides, unhelpfully.  
  
Kyungsoo sighs, "You can only give me a name. All I need is a name. Then I can look it up in the student's archives and find the address." _So I can go to where the asshole lives, kick him in the balls, and retrieve the goddamn movie._ Kyungsoo doesn't approve of violence, but he's tired and desperate. He's been so anxious about the probability of failing film class that when he finally falls asleep, at around 4am every night, he dreams about a giant DVD chasing him around campus while he’s naked.  
  
"No, I mean. I talked to the customer earlier on the phone, and he told me he'd be here with the DVD today," Jongdae says calmly, as if it weren't a life or death situation for Kyungsoo.  
  
"And you didn't tell me this before because..."  
  
Jongdae greets a customer by yelling 'welcome', then turns his attention back to Kyungsoo. "Because you look cute when you're sulking." He proceeds to make his way to the customer, going out of his way to ask him if he could be of help. But the man leaves after exchanging a few words with Jongdae.  
  
"He just wanted to know how to get to the new Chipotle place."  
  
"There isn't Chipotle in South Korea," Kyungsoo deadpans. Jongdae shoots him a terrified look and puts his index finger to his mouth as if to tell Kyungsoo not to be too loud.  
  
"I didn't have the heart to tell him that," Jongdae whispers even though the man is nowhere near. He's probably in his car already, looking for the _Promised Land._ "He was too excited, so I just told him I didn't know and to try Taco Bell instead."  
  
Kyungsoo snorts. "Taco Bell is garbage."  
  
"It's better than crushing a middle-age man's dreams," Jongdae says earnestly.  
  
Kyungsoo thinks of his father and how much he changed after his older brother decided to become a photographer.  
  
Ever since they were kids, Kyungsoo remembers his father having great expectations for Seungsoo. Even when Seungsoo proved again and again to be too free-spirited and careless to follow his father's steps and work with him on his dental clinic. Things got worse when Seungsoo was about to finish high school, and his father already had plans for him to go to university.  
  
They fought every day.  
  
Kyungsoo is three years younger, but he still remembers locking himself in his room and putting on his headphones to drown out the yelling outside the door.  
  
Seungsoo left home the morning after he graduated high school. He left Kyungsoo a letter saying how much he loved him and how sorry he was. All he left for his father was a broken heart and a letter of acceptance from a university he would never go to.  
  
But was Seungsoo didn't know is that he left Kyungsoo much more than a letter. He left Kyungsoo his father's dreams. The dreams Kyungsoo wishes he could step on, just like his older brother had done. Living up to people's expectations is hard.  
  
Sometimes Kyungsoo wonders what his father would do if he found out what Kyungsoo really wanted. How disappointed he would be if Kyungsoo were to ever talk to him and convey his true feelings. How Kyungsoo has the power to not only crush his dreams but also break his heart.  
  
What would his father think if Kyungsoo were to tell him he buys crayons and coloured pencils? That he loves to cut images from magazines to put them together and make something new.  
  
Jongdae is _too nice._  
  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo decides to wait until _the asshole_ shows up with the DVD just so Kyungsoo can stare at him indignantly and get some sort of revenge. It's petty, Kyungsoo knows, to just waste time instead of going home and wait patiently like any other normal person.  
  
In all honestly, it's not something Kyungsoo would usually do. Maybe spending so much time with Jongdae has affected Kyungsoo’s brain.  
  
"Do you know when he's coming?" Kyungsoo asks after a while. He's watched Jongdae re-arrange DVDs for the last thirty minutes. Jongdae doesn't answer immediately, eyebrows burrowed and mouth pouting in a way that tells Kyungsoo he's concentrating _extra hard._  
  
Kyungsoo is convinced there are tons of things more important than the way the 'most rented movies' are displayed, but he is also pretty sure there's nothing more important for Jongdae right now.  
  
"Who?" comes Jongdae's answer. He pouts even harder when he moves a few steps back to survey the current arrangement better.  
  
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes so hard he thinks he sees his skull. "The asshole that hasn't returned the DVD I need."  
  
"Oh," Jongdae says. "I don't know." His pout turns into a smile, meaning he's satisfied with his work.  
  
"Did you _at least_ ask?" Kyungsoo wants to go over to the DVD stand and throw all of Jongdae's work to the floor.  
  
Jongdae would definitely cry. Or throw a temper tantrum. Maybe both. "Why would I?" He says, "It's rude to ask the customer questions."  
  
"It's rude to not return the DVDs on time."  
  
Just then, some people walk into the store. Kyungsoo recognises one of them from film class He's an exchange student, from China. The couple of people he's with seem to be Chinese, too.  
  
"Hyung!" Jongdae's face lights up. "You came."  
  
"Yo," the guy shoots back. He looks _so young,_ Kyungsoo wonders how someone who looks so much like a little kid can be older than Jongdae. "Zitao wanted to watch _The Notebook."_  
  
_"Again,"_ says the other boy, the one who's in Kyungsoo's film class. Zhang Yixing. Kyungsoo remembers him because he falls asleep whenever they watch a movie during class.  
  
Every once in a while the teacher leaves the lights on. But it doesn’t matter because a few minutes into the movie and everyone in the classroom can hear Yixing's steady breathing.  
  
Jongdae chuckles softly. Kyungsoo feels out of place.  
  
"I'm going home," Kyungsoo says, eyes already on the door. There is a limited amount of time he can be surrounded by people.  
  
"Oh, okay," Jongdae says. "I'll text you when you can come to pick up the DVD."  
_You don't need to_ , Kyungsoo thinks. He could go home, but it would be useless. The rooms in Kyungsoo's dorm are small and the walls start to feel like they’re closing in on him when he gets too anxious.  
  
Yesterday Kyungsoo sat on his window with his feet dangling in the air. He smoked the last pack of cigarettes he had and went to bed early. Smoking is one of the things his father disapproves of. But the last time Kyungsoo was home, he found a hidden pack of cigarettes under the main bathroom's sink.  
  
Kyungsoo tries to be productive. He buys watercolours, different brushes, and paints. He writes letters and stores the packages his mother sends him from his hometown. Sometimes all Kyungsoo wants to do is buy magazines with lots of colours and cut them all up to make something nice.  
  
And finish it, so he can feel accomplished.  
  
Accomplishment is something Kyungsoo hasn't felt in a long time.  
  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo chooses a spot in the parking lot that is not too far from the glass doors of the store. He wants to be able to spot the asshole when he gets there just to stare at him indignantly from afar, but he doesn't want Jongdae to see him waiting. So he sits on the pavement, between two parked cars.  
  
There's a chilly breeze but it's not cold, not anymore. Winter is over already.  
  
It'd be good if he had a book with him, Kyungsoo thinks. Even though he'd be unable to concentrate, looking up every couple of seconds to check if anybody is going into the store.  
  
  
  
  
The asshole shows up a few minutes before Kyungsoo loses all hope. Right before Jongdae turns off the neon sign outside and proceeds to close the store. Kyungsoo waited in the parking lot for four hours. The battery on his phone died a couple of hours ago and he almost died from boredom. He'd wanted to go to the CU across the street to buy something to eat, but he'd opted against it, thinking the guy could show up any time.  
  
Very few people go into the rental shop. While Kyungsoo was waiting, he only saw a couple o inside. The exchange students had left some minutes after Kyungsoo walked out, the tallest one clinging to the other two. He watched as Jongdae diligently cleaned the glass doors and swept the floors while doing something that Kyungsoo could never call dancing.  
  
Kyungsoo notices the asshole because only an asshole would return the DVD right before closing time. And because he's carrying the DVD in his hands, not even bothering with bags. Kyungsoo also notices the asshole doesn't bother too much with the way he looks. Not that Kyungsoo knows anything about fashion. Most of the clothes he owns are black, but one can never go wrong with black. This guy though, he's wearing light blue jeans that are ripped at the knees, a grey sweatshirt that is one or two sizes too big for him, and red sneakers. His hair is dyed, a kind of soft brown that reminds Kyungsoo of teddy bear's fur.  
  
He gets inside the store and Kyungsoo follows behind.  
  
"Oh, Kyungsoo-yah," is what Jongdae says when Kyungsoo enters the store. "I haven't texted you yet."  
  
"My phone died," Kyungsoo says.  
  
"Hopefully not forever," The asshole butts in. Who even gave him permission to talk to Kyungsoo? "Hi, I'm Byun Baekhyun," he provides. Kyungsoo stares at him indignantly, like he had been rehearsing while he was waiting outside. The asshole— _Baekhyun_ —just smiles at him. He must belong to the same weird kind as Jongdae. Kyungsoo keeps staring at him, trying not to blink. Blinking is for weak people. Then Baekhyun, the asshole, _winks_ at him. Kyungsoo blinks once, twice. Realises he's lost the battle and sulks inside his head.  
  
Jongdae, who has the best timing when it comes to reading the atmosphere, chooses that moment to say, "This is our Kyungsoo. Isn't he cute? I’m Kim Jongdae."  
  
Kyungsoo turns his gaze to Jongdae, but his eyes are a bit watery and he can't really see through the tears. "Is _he_ the asshole?" Kyungsoo asks. He doesn't even turn to look at Baekhyun's reaction. He doesn't care.  
  
The asshole laughs, as assholes often do when they're caught in situations where they'd probably end up humiliated. "I'm sorry," he says, most to Kyungsoo's surprise. Assholes don't really bother with apologies. "I was out of town."  
  
There's a soft warm breeze, probably from the air conditioner that is always set too high on the store. Jongdae is too sensitive to the weather. Kyungsoo catches the smell of the sea side, faintly, and he reminds himself to tell Jongdae to clean the air conditioner system later.  
  
"It's okay," Jongdae says, "you made it just in time before Kyungsoo's deadline."  
  
Kyungsoo opens his mouth to protest, but Baekhyun's face suddenly lights up. He smiles and Kyungsoo can see his sharp canines. Baekhyun should want to file them down so all of his teeth are perfectly aligned.  
  
"That's a relief," Baekhyun lets out a long sigh. Kyungsoo realises Baekhyun's short winded and that his hair is messy, as if he had rushed his way to the store to make it on time. "There was a long line of people waiting for taxis outside the station. I came here as fast as I could."  
  
"Can I have the DVD now?" Kyungsoo asks. He doesn't care what Baekhyun had to do to get there on time. He wants to watch the movie and he hates that he will probably have to stay up all night writing his final paper.  
  
"Actually, I wanted to rent it again?" Baekhyun says. "I didn't get to watch it."  
  
"What? You can't. Absolutely not. I _need_ to watch this movie. I've been waiting for _days._ "  
  
"Maybe you can watch it together?" Jongdae suggests, or more like tries to ruin Kyungsoo's life some more.  
  
Baekhyun's face lights up again, as if Jongdae's ridiculous idea were the best thing that ever happened to him. Then, smiling at Kyungsoo, he says, "I'd be up for that."  
  
If he were to scream at the top of his lungs, Kyungsoo thinks, could he be heard in space? "No," he says, "no." There’s no sound in space.  
  
"It would be cheaper to watch it together, you could split the rent fee," says Jongdae. Kyungsoo wants so strangle him with his own bare hands, and then use his cheaply permed hair to clean the air conditioner himself.  
  
"And we'd save energy," Baekhyun butts in. "You know, with the global warming going on and all. We should go green. Save the environment." He finishes his speech with a concerned look on his face, Jongdae nodding behind the counter. It's astounding, Kyungsoo thinks, that he was able to come across _another one_ of Jongdae's kind.  
  
He's left speechless, which Baekhyun uses to his own advantage.  
  
"So your place or mine?" Baekhyun asks. Jongdae keeps sending him looks that say 'it's fine! You can totally trust this guy. It's not as if I just met him or anything. Look at his ripped jeans, he's totally trustworthy.' Kyungsoo often worries about Jongdae's life, but right now he's more worried about his own.  
  
"Mine," he says, reluctantly. But if Baekhyun is really thinking about killing him, Kyungsoo thinks it'd be harder to do it in his dorm room. The walls are thin. People would hear Kyungsoo scream.  
  
  
  
  
"Wow, you're so _neat_ ," Baekhyun says as soon as Kyungsoo lets him into the room. Kyungsoo doesn't take it as a compliment, though. Something tells him Baekhyun is the kind of guy who voices out each and every one of his thoughts. He bored Kyungsoo with his incessant chat while they walked the couple of miles that separate Kyungsoo's dorm from the rental shop.  
  
It's a relief that Kyungsoo is used to Jongdae's rants. He was able to tune out Baekhyun's voice easily.  
  
"Excuse my intrusion," Baekhyun says as he takes off his shoes. His socks are mismatched. One has a doodle, probably of a K-pop idol, and the other one is just plain yellow.  
  
"Who are you talking to?" Kyungsoo says, "There's no one here but us."  
  
Baekhyun takes a moment to examine Kyungsoo's face. They are still standing at the entrance. Kyungsoo would normally feel uneasy about having someone so close to him in such a narrow space. But Baekhyun looks so comfortable in his own skin, it puts Kyungsoo surprisingly at ease.  
  
"Why are you _always_ angry?" Baekhyun says as he puts on Kyungsoo's extra slippers. His voice so quiet Kyungsoo almost misses it.  
  
"I'm _not_ angry," Kyungsoo is quick to say. He thinks he sees Baekhyun startle, but he blinks and whatever he saw in Baekhyun's eyes is gone.  
  
"Then what are you? Perpetually annoyed?"  
  
"Bingo." Kyungsoo tries to keep a straight face, but he fails and finally smiles. Baekhyun _beams_ at him, finally stepping out of the entrance and into the room.  
  
  
  
  
"You have so many books." Baekhyun eyes Kyungsoo's bookshelves. "Most of them look boring, though."  
  
Baekhyun sits crossed legged on the floor, moving his knees up and down while taking a look at his surroundings. It's colder than Kyungsoo expected, so he sets the air conditioner to 25 and proceeds to plug-in the television and DVD player.  
  
"Do you really think it helps?" Baekhyun says, "Unplugging the electronics, I mean." He's fidgety, Kyungsoo has noticed, playing with the straps of his hoodie while still moving his knees.  
  
"Weren't you concerned about the environment an hour ago?" Kyungsoo has finally finished setting everything up. He thinks about sitting on his bed, but he doesn't want to force his eyes too much. It's a foreign movie, there's bound to be subtitles.  
  
"I am." Baekhyun stretches out his legs and wiggles his feet, not even concerned about the fact that he's wearing socks that don't match. "But do you think it helps?"  
  
"I don't know," comes Kyungsoo's answer. _But I hope so._ He smells the sea again, a bit stronger than before. Maybe his air conditioner needs cleaning, too.  
  
Kyungsoo ends up sitting next to Baekhyun, on the floor. Their shoulders don't touch but when Baekhyun crosses his legs again, Kyungsoo feels Baekhyun's knee brushing softly across his thigh.  
  
Baekhyun doesn't move his knee for the rest of the night.  
  
Instead he falls asleep halfway through the movie, on Kyungsoo's shoulder. Kyungsoo realises none of the air conditioners need to be cleaned because Baekhyun’s the one that's carrying the scent of the sea in his hair.  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
If Kyungsoo didn't notice Baekhyun before, he is _definitely_ going to notice him now because he _tap dances._  
  
Kyungsoo is eating lunch in the cafeteria with Jongdae, when they spot Baekhyun tap dancing his way to their table.  
  
"You can't sit with us," is the first thing Kyungsoo tells him once Baekhyun's within hearing distance.  
  
Baekhyun ignores him and sits next to Jongdae. "Hey," is this seat available?" he asks, chopsticks already in hand and poised to eat.  
  
"No," Jongdae says. Kyungsoo would never ever forgive him for constantly ruining his life. He can't even eat in peace now.  
  
"Where's Chanyeol going to sit?" Kyungsoo asks. If he is honest, he's not _really_ concerned about Chanyeol, but he's known Baekhyun for less than 24 hours and he’s already getting on Kyungsoo's nerves. At least Chanyeol has already been trained to abide by Kyungsoo's rules. It took a lot of time and effort, Kyungsoo takes pride in himself.  
  
"The seat next to you is still empty," Jongdae on the other hand is still a bit undisciplined.  
  
"But Chanyeol _always_ sits next to you,” Kyungsoo whines, noticing a tad later that he sounds like a spoiled child.  
  
"Do you want _me_ to sit next to you, Kyungsoo-sshi?" Baekhyun's face is serious, but the tone of his voice when he used the honorific carries nothing but mockery and sarcasm.  
  
"No," Kyungsoo says. He wants to add 'I don't want you sitting with us' but he decides against it. He doesn't want to make a fool of himself by bickering with someone as worthless as Baekhyun.  
  
"So," Jongdae says, "What's with the tap dancing?"  
  
"I decided that I want to be a musical actor,” Baekhyun answers between a mouthful of rice. "Like Fred Astaire in the movie Kyungsoo and I watched yesterday." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes so hard he thinks they might pop out.  
  
"You didn't even finish watching it," Kyungsoo protests. Baekhyun makes it so hard for Kyungsoo not to sound like a petty ten-year-old child.  
  
"It doesn't matter," Baekhyun says, "I watched the most important parts."  
  
"You _missed_ the ending," Kyungsoo shoots back, his voice an octave higher. Whatever. Let the entire college know Kyungsoo is this kind of guy after all. It doesn't matter if it means Kyungsoo lets Baekhyun know just how idiotic he is. "That's the most important part in _any_ movie."  
  
"I think the beginning is the most important part," Baekhyun carefully selects his food. Kyungsoo watches as Baekhyun takes all the cucumbers out of his salad. "Whatever happens next only happens because there was this disruption in the characters' everyday life."  
  
Kyungsoo opens his mouth to protest or say something to make Baekhyun's point invalid, just out of spite. But the more he thinks about it, the more he can see himself agreeing with Baekhyun. And that is of course, something he would rather be caught dead than admit to.  
  
"You should have included this on your final paper, Kyungsoo," Jongdae says. Then, turning his attention to Baekhyun, "Why do you smell like the ocean?"  
  
"Oh," Baekhyun says. He stills for a second, a little taken aback by Jongdae's boldness. But he recovers fast. Kyungsoo watches as he shifts in his seat, trying to cover his emotional discomfort with a physical one. "I told you I couldn't return the DVD because I was out of town. I went to my grandma's house, on the sea side."  
  
Jongdae snorts and covers his mouth with his hand, careful not to spill chewed food. Even to him, Baekhyun is ridiculous. "You went swimming in April?"  
  
"It was warmer than I had expected, actually," Baekhyun says a bit proudly.  
  
"Why?" Kyungsoo asks.  
  
Baekhyun takes a piece of cucumber with his chopsticks and makes a disgusted face. "I just felt like it."  
  
"No, I mean. Why do you still smell like the sea?" Kyungsoo presses.  
  
"I like to carry the sea breeze in my hair, so I haven't washed it yet." Baekhyun shrugs. By his side, Jongdae shakes his head and resumes eating his lunch with an amused smile on his face.  
  
"You're gross," Kyungsoo says, without meaning it at all.  
  
Chanyeol makes his grand entrance then. He takes the empty seat next to Kyungsoo and looks back and forth between Jongdae and Kyungsoo. "Who's gross?" he asks, his eyes so wide they make him look ten times more stupid.  
  
" _You_ are," Jongdae says.  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
"Are you _following_ me?" asks Kyungsoo, annoyed. It's the fourth day in a row that he runs into Baekhyun _tap dancing_ outside one of his classrooms.  
  
"Sorry," Baekhyun says, but his apology doesn't carry an ounce of regret. "I didn't know you owned the halls of our university."  
  
"Well now you do," Kyungsoo says. "So leave me alone."  
  
"But do you really mean it?" Baekhyun says, fluttering his eyelashes at Kyungsoo before adding, "The leaving you alone part? You seem kind of lonely."  
  
Kyungsoo hears four kinds of different alarms going off in his brain. He has no idea if Baekhyun meant that last part, or if it was just typical Baekhyun behaviour: saying what was at the top of his head. No real meaning behind it.  
  
But the more Kyungsoo spends time with Baekhyun, the more he realises Baekhyun is everything his father hates. Baekhyun, who does things because they 'seem like fun' or because he just 'feels like it'.  
  
If there's a word to describe him, Kyungsoo thinks, it would be overwhelming. Baekhyun is so very overwhelming. Kyungsoo has no idea what to do with him.  
  
On the other hand, Kyungsoo is unfinished. Like all the collages he’s started that he keeps hidden under his bed.  
  
All this time Kyungsoo has been here, and nobody has dared to see or even understand the complexity of his life. His dirty desire to hurt himself by not wanting to be like his father, but behaving just like him. He doesn't know if he started smoking because he enjoys it or because he found his father's hidden cigarette pack.  
  
Sometimes Kyungsoo watches his reflection in the mirror without knowing _who_ he really is. He sees his life not as his own but as someone else's. He does and says things that end up leaving him knowing less about himself than before. Most of the time Kyungsoo has no idea who the hell he _is_ , but at least he's beginning to understand who he _doesn't_ want to be.  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
"Did you know," Jongdae says as he sees them coming into the store, "That the electric chair was invented by a dentist?"  
  
Chanyeol laughs at this, with this mouth wide open and his arms waving in the air. He hits the nearest DVD shelf and Kyungsoo gloats in his pain. Baekhyun looks confused.  
  
"Why is that so funny?" He asks.  
  
"It isn't," Kyungsoo says. It really isn't.  
  
"Kyungsoo is going to be a dentist," Jongdae shuts down the computer and throws a set of keys to Chanyeol. "He's going to take over his family's business."  
  
Baekhyun laughs openly. It's so easy to make Baekhyun laugh, and when he finds something really funny, he puts his whole heart into his laughter.  
  
Chanyeol starts locking the glass doors. It's a routine. On Fridays, Chanyeol and Baekhyun wait for Kyungsoo outside his classroom and they go to pick Jongdae up from the rental shop. Kyungsoo may not enjoy being in the presence of other people, but he's a man of routine. He gets used to this before he can protest or think about using his time for other activities.  
  
"I thought he was an art major," Baekhyun says. His voice sounds a bit raw after laughing so loud, but Kyungsoo's ears seem to have rotted because he's finding it quite pleasing.  
  
"What gave you that impression?" Kyungsoo asks. He picks up the first DVD on the pile at the counter and starts reading the synopsis at the back. Who in his right mind rents _Sixteen Candles._?  
  
"You take film class." Baekhyun says enthusiastically. His face lights up like a Christmas tree when he sees the DVD Kyungsoo is holding. He takes it from Kyungsoo's hands, then adds, "And you had this collage tapped on your wall, it was kind of cool."  
  
Both Chanyeol and Jongdae stop what they're doing to look at Kyungsoo. They're dumbfounded, Kyungsoo can tell. It's the first time they're hearing this. It's the first time someone has seen one of Kyungsoo's collages. It's the first time someone has figure Kyungsoo out. And it's as if Kyungsoo were _naked_ in front of his only friends. The thought of it fills him with dread.  
  
"Shut up, Baekhyun!" Kyungsoo's voice is a lot louder than he expected. He can feel Chanyeol and Jongdae's eyes on him and he _hates_ Byun Baekhyun.  
  
"But--" Baekhyun starts.  
  
"Just shut up! Shut up Shut up Shut up!" Kyungsoo realises he's yelling. "Why don't you _ever_ shut up? Why are you even here? Who said you were our friend? Who allowed you-"  
  
"That's enough," Jongdae places a hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder. Kyungsoo didn't notice he was shaking. He didn't notice Baekhyun's pale face either. He looks like a kicked puppy, and Kyungsoo hates that Baekhyun has the power to make him feel like guilty.  
  
"I'm sorry," Baekhyun says, his voice almost a whisper. It's worse now because he looks like a kicked puppy that is about to cry. Kyungsoo hates that he wants to _touch_ Baekhyun the most. Tell him he's forgiven and ruffle his hair. When did his life become like this?  
  
"No one likes you," Kyungsoo says instead, because he feels weak. He is afraid he could spill just how much he's come to enjoy being around Baekhyun. How he can’t go home until he finds Baekhyun and tells him how annoying his tap dancing is. _No one likes you._ Kyungsoo wonders if he's telling that to Baekhyun or to himself.  
  
Baekhyun takes this as his cue to leave the store, muttering an almost inaudible 'sorry' before he's out the door. Kyungsoo hates that he can hear Baekhyun's stupid noises so loud and clear. Kyungsoo hates everything right now, mostly himself.  
  
"I like him," Chanyeol pouts. Jongdae's hand no longer lingers on Kyungsoo's shoulder.  
  
"I never know what the deal is between you two," Jongdae says, "but you were too hard on him. He was being sincere."  
  
Kyungsoo feels a knot in his throat, as if all the words he's always wanted to say have blended together and are desperate to be let out. He wants to scream and scream until he's empty, but he thinks nobody will be able to hear him. _Really_ hear him.  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
Baekhyun doesn't talk to Kyungsoo for the next few days. It's odd, because Chanyeol and Jongdae still hang out with both of them, but when Kyungsoo is there Baekhyun keeps quiet. His laughter is loud but empty, and his smiles don't reach his eyes.  
  
Kyungsoo feels guilty. He hates that he feels guilty, because that means he has to apologise. Kyungsoo has never been good with apologies. But whenever he sees Baekhyun, he feels his insides churning up. Like when it's really late at night and he orders a box of chicken because he's hungry, and then rolls over in bed all through the morning because his body can't digest the food well. Kyungsoo thinks Baekhyun is like a box of chicken that filled Kyungsoo's stomach and gave him heartburn.  
  
But mostly he misses his friend. Kyungsoo thinks spending so much time listening to Baekhyun's voice made his ears rot, because he misses hearing it. And Baekhyun must have rotted Kyungsoo's brain, too, because he even misses his stupid tap dancing.  
  
"Just tell him you're sorry," Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo wants to tell him how it is always easier said than done, but Chanyeol has always been the kind of guy who's quick to apologise.  
  
It's Friday. When Kyungsoo's evening class was over, he only found Chanyeol waiting for him outside. No Baekhyun. His teacher looked relieved about not having to stress over the fact that Baekhyun's annoying tap dancing echoed through the hallway and into the classroom. It was the quietest class Kyungsoo had in weeks. Still, he couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Maybe learning about Organic Chemistry was better when there was someone tap dancing outside the classroom.  
  
"Yeah, you're being silly," Jongdae agrees. Kyungsoo wants to punch the stupid grin off his face, but he knows Jongdae may be right. He's only making himself miserable. And as much as he says he hates Baekhyun, Kyungsoo knows it's not fair he's making Baekhyun feel miserable, too.  
  
"You're both being silly, actually." Chanyeol closes the glass doors of the rental shop one more time.  
  
Baekhyun would usually be making a mess out of the pile of DVDs Jongdae earnestly arranged on the counter. Jongdae would nag and complain while Kyungsoo watches them bicker, a satisfied smile plastered on his face. Kyungsoo has always wanted to make Jongdae suffer in some twisted way, for introducing Baekhyun to him. There's no greater way to make Jongdae suffer than to make a mess of the things he's spent _hours_ putting together.  
  
The rental shop feels empty without Baekhyun's laughter and Jongdae's high pitched whines.  
  
Jongdae examines Kyungsoo's face before saying, carefully, "Baekhyun thinks you hate him."  
  
Kyungsoo's stomach ties into a knot and then he feels something pulling at both ends. "I do," he says instead, even though he knows he's lying. He clenches his teeth when both Jongdae and Chanyeol look at him, and Kyungsoo notices he has disappointed the only friends he has. He tries not to show the discomfort of his upset stomach, and the way his heart feels like it's been beaten with one of Junmyeon hyung's golf clubs. _Heartburn._  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
Kyungsoo finds Baekhyun on his way back home, after he has dinner with Chanyeol and Jongdae later that night. It started pouring. Kyungsoo had forgotten his umbrella. It's weird, because Kyungsoo never forgets to check the weather. He hates getting wet.  
  
But lately, everything he does seem to be out of order. Even the things he did before he met Baekhyun.  
  
He's soaked to the bone when he finds refugee outside a pet shop. It’s late at night so most of the shops on the street are closed. Kyungsoo doesn’t notice the young man who had been standing there too, until he speaks.  
  
"Isn't this a lovely day to be caught in the rain?" Baekhyun asks. Kyungsoo wants to give up and smile at him because of course Baekhyun would quote _Top Hat._ Of course Baekhyun would find Kyungsoo in the most ridiculous way possible: late at night, during a thunderstorm, both of them drenched and tired and silly.  
  
"You didn't come, today," says Kyungsoo, his voice trembling a little. He blames it on his damped clothes, and on the way the chilly wind feels against his wet skin. His face, though, is burning hot.  
  
"I thought you didn't want me there," Baekhyun says. "Or here. We're not friends, remember?" He laughs. It sounds empty and meaningless, and it makes Kyungsoo's heart ache. Maybe it's only heartburn. Or maybe it's the fact that Baekhyun has little drops of rain caught on his eyelashes, and Kyungsoo wants nothing more than to touch them in a way that will hopefully let Baekhyun know he’s sorry.  
  
"I... I didn't," Kyungsoo starts, but his heart is racing and he feels a little dizzy. Maybe he's getting a cold.  
  
Baekhyun laughs again. It is worse this time because it sounds fake, and Kyungsoo may call Baekhyun lots of things, but fake isn’t one of them.  
  
"Jongdae and Chanyeol told me you don't hate me," Baekhyun says, "but I don't know... I used to think it was you being all _tsundere,_ but I don't know anymore." He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. Kyungsoo watches under the street light as new drops of water get caught on Baekhyun's long eyelashes.  
  
Kyungsoo tries to find the right words, but he doesn't because he's empty. He comes to the realisation that he has really missed Baekhyun's voice, and he doesn’t know what that could mean.  
  
One week is a long time. Before he met Baekhyun, every day was the same, one melting into the other in an endless cycle. Now he feels a smile on his face whenever he hears Baekhyun tap dancing.  
  
So much has changed, Kyungsoo thinks. It’s scary how much can change when he's too busy hating Baekhyun. Kyungsoo is afraid. He's always been afraid. It's easier to push people away than to watch them leave. It's easier to abide by the rules and do what's expected than to tell his father how much he _hates_ orthodontics.  
  
"You remember the first time we met? When we watched that movie?" Baekhyun asks, staring at the floor. He blinks and Kyungsoo watches as the raindrops fall down Baekhyun’s cheek. "I told you I went to the sea side, to my grandma's house. But I... I never told you why. You never asked." Then, as quietly as the rain falling he adds, "You never ask people anything."  
  
Baekhyun laughs once more, probably because he's afraid Kyungsoo may have heard him. It's a thing Baekhyun does a lot when he's with Kyungsoo: laugh after he's said something that he believes with all his heart is true. It's a sign of not having confidence in himself, Kyungsoo learned in Psychology class. But Baekhyun is nothing but confident, and Kyungsoo hates that he can make Baekhyun feel insecure about himself. Right now, Kyungsoo is not sure if Baekhyun is laughing or crying. "She died, you know," Baekhyun says in a tiny voice, "my grandma."  
  
Kyungsoo wants to run away but he is unable to move. His body is anchored at Baekhyun's feet. He thinks he is going to throw up tonight's dinner all over Baekhyun's beat-up Converses.  
  
"After the funeral, I got a call from the rental shop and I just..." Baekhyun sighs. Kyungsoo can't smell the ocean in Baekhyun's hair anymore, but he can smell alcohol on his breath. "I ran away. I got into the KTX and then I went home to pick up the DVD and didn't stop running until I got to the rental shop." He looks up at Kyungsoo, _finally._ Kyungsoo's heart stops beating. "And then I met you."  
  
_'You're both being silly,'_ Chanyeol and Jongdae had said. Kyungsoo finally understands. He opens his mouth to say something, to tell Baekhyun how sorry he is, once and for all, and leave that place. Leave Baekhyun there, not bothering with the rain getting him wet. But Kyungsoo can't think straight and Baekhyun's body is _warm_ next to him.  
  
"You let me in your place," Baekhyun continues. His voice is low and hoarse, probably from the alcohol. "I thought my grandma had sent you, I..." He is still looking at Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo thinks Baekhyun can see straight through him so he wraps his arms around his body. "I didn't want to be alone, that first night."  
  
"I didn't know... I’m sorry," Kyungsoo admits, at last. He _never_ knows because he doesn't bother asking. He had no idea Jongdae worked at the rental shop. He had no idea Chanyeol had changed majors. He had no idea Baekhyun's grandma passed away.  
  
Baekhyun's laugh sounds more sincere this time. It doesn't break Kyungsoo's heart. "Now you know," he says. Baekhyun's smile is a little sad, but his eyes look alive for the first time since they started talking, and Kyungsoo has the urge to do something silly like kiss him.  
  
“So you don’t hate me?”  
  
“I do,” Kyungsoo says, smiling back at Baekhyun to let him know how much he doesn’t really mean it.  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
"You're telling me," Jongdae drops his fork to look up at Kyungsoo, "that you don't know why your heart feels _weird_ whenever you're with Baekhyun?" He sounds as if he's picking his words with extreme care, which means he probably realises something Kyungsoo doesn’t. The thought makes Kyungsoo uncomfortable.  
  
"I think I have heartburn," Kyungsoo says. Next to him, Chanyeol snorts. He used to seat in front of Kyungsoo, but he was ousted by Baekhyun. So many things have changed ever since Baekhyun came into their lives, and mostly without them even noticing.  
  
Jongdae stares at him with his mouth open. Kyungsoo is glad he wasn't in the middle of chewing his lunch. "Heartburn?" He repeats. Kyungsoo nods. Chanyeol snorts again, harder this time. Jongdae keeps staring, with a mix of confusion and amazement. Is there something on his face? Does he have rice on his cheek? Or worse, does he have seaweed between his teeth?  
  
"What's wrong?" Kyungsoo says as he examines his face on the back of his spoon and touches his front teeth with his tongue.  
  
Jongdae shakes his head. "No... it's nothing." He smiles and turns his attention back to his food tray.  
  
"You have it bad, man," Chanyeol says, then yelps and rubs his shin. "What the fuck, Jongdae!?"  
  
"Oh, sorry. Was that your ankle I just kicked?" Jongdae asks, not even looking up from his _sundubu jjigae._  
  
Baekhyun comes to their table and attempts to kick Chanyeol, too. Chanyeol moves his legs and hits his knee with the underside of the table. Sometimes Kyungsoo wishes he were tall but then he looks at Chanyeol's long uncoordinated limbs and thinks again.  
  
"Why are we kicking Chanyeol?" Baekhyun says, looking at each of them and smiling. When his eyes get to Kyungsoo’s, his smile turns bright, like he's suddenly glowing. Kyungsoo feels something in his chest. Maybe he's going to burp. He looks at his empty tray and eats the rest of his lunch, but he can _feel_ Baekhyun's eyes on him.  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
Kyungsoo finds Baekhyun outside his classroom the next Thursday.  
  
"Chanyeol ditched us today," Baekhyun says. He's not tap dancing. Kyungsoo's class was quiet except for the soft echo of Baekhyun in the hallway, playing games on his phone.  
  
"You're not tap dancing today," Kyungsoo mentions. They're walking to the rental shop to pick up Jongdae. It feels so familiar and natural, much like Baekhyun's smile.  
  
Baekhyun laughs. It's not even May yet, but Kyungsoo feels warm. "What do you know about tap dancing, Do Kyungsoo?"  
  
"That it’s annoying," Kyungsoo answers. Baekhyun laughs again, reckless this time. It's the truth but it's a mean answer. Normally, people would go away after hearing it, but not Baekhyun. _Never_ Baekhyun.  
  
"I'm a music major," Baekhyun says. His voice is usually husky, but Kyungsoo likes how it gets a bit huskier after he's had a good laugh. "I'm supposed to learn about this."  
  
"Good for you. I'm a dentistry major."  
  
"No, I mean." Kyungsoo doesn't like how Baekhyun's voice sounds then. Or maybe it's just that Kyungsoo doesn’t like his own words speaking his own truth. It's been getting more and more impossible to push the feeling of crawling out of his own skin whenever he thinks about his major.  
  
"Someone once said that good music makes you homesick for a place you've never been," Baekhyun continues. "When I listen to you, I know what place it is and I wish I could join you."  
  
Kyungsoo is startled. He turns to look at Baekhyun, who has the most earnest look Kyungsoo has ever seen. The moon is up, but there's still orange lingering in the sky. Kyungsoo thinks Baekhyun is the sun, clinging to the darkness that is Kyungsoo's life, and filling it with warmth.  
  
"What?" Kyungsoo says realising belatedly he's smiling.  
  
"I'm in love with you, you idiot."  
  
  
  
  


≈≈≈

 

 

  
For the first time in a long time, Kyungsoo is happy.  
  
_'I'm in love with you, you idiot,'_ Baekhyun had said, and Kyungsoo believed him. He could see it in Baekhyun's eyes and Kyungsoo hoped Baekhyun could see it in his eyes, too, even if it was a new found truth. Kyungsoo's still a little distraught over the fact that Jongdae and Chanyeol figured it out before him, but he’s learned that sometimes things don't go the way you plan. It's okay to start over again, the important thing is to not give up.  
  
Kyungsoo thinks he is going to spend a good amount of time looking out the window, eating oreo cereal with marshmallows instead of smoking. He is going to make colourful letters with all the things that he couldn't say to the people he cares about, and playlists with songs he likes for Baekhyun to listen.  
  
He thinks he will paint, too. There is so much beauty and completeness Kyungsoo wants to reach. He is thinking of going home soon, to talk to his father. The idea is not as dreadful as it was before.  
  
"You were talking in your sleep yesterday," Chanyeol says over breakfast one day. "It was _super weird_. You were laughing and giggling."  
  
Kyungsoo looks back and it makes sense, because he remembers dreaming about Baekhyun. They were locked in an orange room, kissing. If only that happened when Kyungsoo were fully awake and conscious, he thinks that'd be lovely.  
  
"What are you thinking now?" Chanyeol asks, alarmingly. He's stopped spreading hazelnut choco on his toast, and Kyungsoo is a bit relieved because he always puts _too much._ "You look creepy, it's scary."  
  
But Kyungsoo can't help it, he is too happy to hide it.  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> 1\. The title comes from a quote in the movie Kyungsoo and Baekhyun watch together: Top Hat.  
> 2\. Top Hat is an amazing movie and you should watch it. It’s screwball comedy at its best, and Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are a delight to watch. Seriously, go watch it.  
> 3\. _Isn't this a lovely day (to be caught in the rain?)_ Is the title of the song Fred sings to Ginger, in the movie (and the first line as well.)  
>  4\. _What do you know about tap dancing, Do Kyungsoo?_ I changed this quote from the James Bond movie, Goldfinger. The original quote is: What do you know about gold, Moneypenny?
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to my everything, Alicia, always. When I say I don’t know what I’d do without you, I really mean it.  
> Also, thank you to Frances, Reeza and Yam, for the constant cheering and for being so good to me.  
> And last but not least, thank you Yoojae, for lending me a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.


End file.
